Going under anesthesia can be a bit nerve-wracking, but it’s also a chance to give your doctors or nurses a good laugh.
A clever, well-timed comment before the anesthesia kicks in can ease the tension and create a memorable, light-hearted moment for everyone in the room.
In this guide, we’ll share some funny lines to bring a smile to even the most serious medical professional’s face.
Let’s dive in!
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Funny Things to Say Before Going Under Anesthesia
“Hold my juice box; I’m going in!” “Time for the ultimate power nap.” “Let’s hope I wake up with superpowers.” “Beam me up, Doc!”
“Ready for my time travel adventure!” “Just make sure I wake up in 2024, not 1824!” “Preparing to explore the back of my eyelids.” “Counting sheep, but make it medical.”
“So this is what Sleeping Beauty felt like.” “Turn me into a unicorn while I’m out, please.” “Keep an eye on my imaginary friend for me.”
“I expect a recount if I start snoring.” “If I reveal any secrets, I want the footage!” “Do I earn frequent flyer miles for this trip?” “Find any spare change in there, let me know.”
“About to take the best nap of my life.” “Upgrade my brain software if you can.” “Hopefully, I dream of winning the lottery.” “I’m off to meet the Sandman.” “While you’re in there, add a little extra charm.”
“This is the only time I get to legally skip work.” “Pause my social media accounts while I’m out.” “If I start singing, feel free to harmonize.” “Is this how aliens do it?”
“Promise me I’ll wake up with all my limbs.” “I’m really just here for the snacks afterward.” “Make sure I don’t miss my stop.” “Can I request a dream destination?”
“Set me to ‘vibrate’ mode in case of emergencies.” “Does this nap come with a side of fries?” “Wake me up in time for my favorite shows.” “I’ve always wondered what clouds taste like.”
“Are we there yet?” “Hope this includes a spa day when I wake up.” “Tell my mom I gave it my all.” “Can I get a wake-up call for tomorrow morning?”
“Will I become a meme after this?” “Insert superhero transformation here.” “Let’s make sure I wake up as a rockstar.” “Do you take dream requests?”
“Time for my royal nap.” “Finally, a break from adulting!” “Queue the dramatic music for my wake-up.” “Is it too late to request a lullaby?” “Could you dim the lights? I’m trying to nap.”
“I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Director.” “Hope I wake up in time for Christmas.” “Think I’ll remember any secret recipes after this?” “This is the quietest my kids have been all week!”
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Funny Things Say Patient to a Doctor
“I tried to follow your advice, but you lost me at ‘exercise regularly.’” “Do you have anything to make me look younger? I’m starting to feel like a classic car model.”
“If laughter is the best medicine, then your fees are the punchline!” “I swallowed some Scrabble tiles, so my next bathroom trip might spell disaster.”
“Is there an ‘Undo’ button for this sprained ankle?” “I’ve been practicing my X-ray vision. That’s how I found your office.” “Is it a bad sign if I hear whistling every time I breathe?”
“Do I qualify for a group discount with all my personalities?” “Can I get a sick note for my sick sense of humor?” “If I promise to be good, can I skip the shot?”
“Doctor, can you prescribe me a weekend at the beach?” “I’m not saying I’m a superhero, but has anyone ever seen me and the flu in the same room?”
“I diagnosed myself on WebMD, so I’m just here for confirmation.” “My current diet plan consists of stress and air. Thoughts?”
“Can we speed this up? I have an appointment to be a couch potato tonight.” “I tried counting sheep to fall asleep, but I made a ewe-turn around number 50.”
“If I give up wine, would that make me a quitter?” “Are my symptoms just a sign that I’m allergic to mornings?” “I’m on a seafood diet—when I see food, I eat it. Is that a problem?”
“Can you check if I have X-ray vision? I’ve been seeing through nonsense all day.” “Is there an app to track how many times I’ve rolled my eyes today?”
“Do you have a map? I got lost during your ‘healthy lifestyle’ speech.” “Is sneezing three times in a row an Olympic sport yet?” “I came for a check-up, but I think I just need a nap.”
“If my body’s a temple, can we agree it’s more like an ancient ruin?” “Can we all agree that ‘treadmill’ is just another word for ‘torture device’?”
“I read chocolate comes from beans, so technically it’s a vegetable, right?” “Is there a pill that’ll make me love running as much as I love running from my problems?”
“If I eat green M&Ms, does that count as a vegetable serving?” “Can I book my next appointment for the year 3000?” “I heard being forgetful is a sign of genius. I just can’t remember where I heard that.”
“Can being a drama queen count as my daily workout?” “Do you perform brain transplants? I watched a documentary and now I think I need one.”
“My new workout is rolling my eyes every time I hear bad advice.” “If you find my motivation in there, can you give it a wake-up call?”
“I think I’m allergic to my job. Do you write notes for that?” “Is avoiding adult responsibilities an illness or just a hobby?” “Can you prescribe something for bad hair days?”
“Is there a treatment for ‘chronic lateness syndrome’?” “I’m here because I swallowed bubble wrap. Should I expect a ‘pop’ quiz?” “Does eating an entire pizza in one sitting count as a skill or a symptom?”
“If I’m not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why does the fridge have a light?” “Can I get a note saying I’m allergic to mornings?” “Can you file a missing report for my metabolism?”
“Is forgetting names a medical condition, or am I just terrible with faces?” “I think I’m suffering from a severe case of ‘not winning the lottery’ syndrome.”
“Could my ‘off-color’ feeling be from that rainbow cake I ate?” “Can you test for ‘selective hearing’?
My spouse swears I have it.” “I accidentally used superglue as lipstick. Do you think my lips will stick to your advice?” “If stress burned calories, wouldn’t I be invisible by now?”
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One-Liner Funny Things to Say on Surgery
“I asked for a full tune-up, not just a tire rotation!” “After this surgery, will I finally be able to sing? Because I couldn’t before!”
“Please find my sense of humor while you’re in there!” “Is there a discount if you don’t find anything wrong?” “Doc, make sure you put everything back in the right order, please.”
“Do I earn frequent flyer miles for this procedure?” “Can you install a zipper for easy access next time?” “Save all the parts you take out—I might need them later.”
“I’m just here for the snooze button treatment.” “Don’t mix me up with another patient; I’m pretty fond of this body.” “While you’re at it, can you give me a superhero upgrade?”
“Oops, did I just hit the ‘eject’ button by mistake?” “After this, I promise to stop saying ‘it’s just a scratch.’” “Will this surgery supercharge my abilities?”
“Can you tweak me to get better Wi-Fi?” “Doc, can you make sure I come out looking like a celebrity?” “Don’t leave any tools behind—I’m not a storage unit!” “Will I be able to play the piano after this?
No pressure, but I couldn’t before.” “Make sure I’m selfie-ready when I wake up!” “If you find my marbles, hold onto them for me.”
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“Looking forward to my oil change and spark plug replacement.” “Does this surgery come with a complimentary car wash?” “Please handle with care; I’m an antique model.”
“Finally getting the factory reset I’ve always dreamed of!” “Can this surgery upgrade my operating system too?” “Don’t forget to remove my memory card—I need the space.”
“Will I need antivirus software after this?” “Make sure I wake up in high definition, please.” “Could you add a feature so I never feel cold again?” “If you find my motivation in there, give it a little nudge, please!”
