First dates can feel a bit nerve-racking, but adding a touch of humor can help ease the tension and build rapport. A funny story or a clever remark can lighten the mood, break the ice, and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
In this guide, I’ll share a collection of humorous lines and anecdotes that are perfect for sparking laughter and helping you both feel more at ease.
Let’s dive in and get the laughter rolling!
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Funny Things to Say on First Date
“I secretly read the labels on shampoo bottles—guilty pleasure, I know.” “I’m not big on seafood, but I could eat my weight in calamari, no problem.” “If you could have lunch with any fictional character, who would it be? I’d pick Garfield—just so we could eat endless lasagna.”
“Do you think penguins ever get jealous of birds that can fly?” “I’ve got this theory: socks disappear because gnomes steal them.” “How do you eat your Oreos? I have a very detailed, almost ritualistic way.” “Is it just me, or do dogs sometimes seem more human than actual people?”
“I tried teaching my goldfish to fetch once… it didn’t go well.” “Do you think aliens watch our TV shows and secretly judge us?” “Why do adults still argue about Batman vs. Superman? It’s serious business.” “If you could invent a holiday, what would it celebrate? Mine would involve naps.” “Have you ever noticed how suspicious squirrels can look? They’re definitely plotting something.”
“If I could have a superpower, it would be detecting garlic consumption within 24 hours—completely useless but fun.” “What’s your take on the whole pineapple-on-pizza debate? Very important stuff.” “Do cats think of us as giant, clumsy roommates?” “How would you describe the sound your heart makes when you hear the ice cream truck approaching?” “I collect maps so I can say, ‘I put that place on the map.’”
“If each hour of sleep were a dollar, I’d be broke.” “Do you ever think pets have secret meetings when we’re not around?” “I’m convinced my plants talk about me as soon as I leave the room.” “If you had to listen to one song forever, how quickly would you go insane?” “Do you think the moon gets lonely out there by itself?” “What if birds have one giant group chat and we’re the topic?” “If life had background music, what genre would your life be?” “Imagine if our knees bent the other way—what would chairs look like?”
“Do you think goldfish are smarter than we think?” “I once named my cactus Spike Lee. It’s thriving despite my poor gardening skills.” “What’s the weirdest fact you know? Mine has to do with bananas and radiation.” “Is there a secret underground world ruled by moles? Sometimes I wonder.” “If I could live in any fictional world, I’d pick the Shire. Hobbits know how to live.” “Have you ever stopped to appreciate how bizarre giraffes are?” “What if coffee was currency? Starbucks would be the richest bank.”
“Do you ever have deep conversations with your pet and feel like they understand everything?” “If public speaking were as easy as singing in the shower, I’d be a professional.” “The last time I laughed so hard, I snorted. It was both amazing and embarrassing.” “Wearing sunglasses at night: cool or silly?” “Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?”
“Elevators feel so mysterious when you’re the only one in them, don’t they?” “If you could have any animal as a pet, regardless of size, what would it be? I’d go with a mini-elephant.” “Is trying to lick your elbow still considered good entertainment? Because I’ve definitely tried.”
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What are Funny Things to Say on a First Date to Women?
“Do you know what’s on the menu? Me and you!” “Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, everyone else seems to disappear.” “Your beauty caught me off guard. I think I’m going to need your name and number for, you know, insurance purposes.”
“Can you help me with directions? I keep getting lost in your eyes.” “Is your name Google? Because you’ve got all the answers I’ve been searching for.”
“Got a Band-Aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.” “Can you catch? Because I think I’m falling for you.” “Do you have a spare heart? I seem to have misplaced mine after meeting you.” “Are you from the future? Because I can definitely see you in mine.”
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.” “Are you from Australia? Because every time I see you, I’m upside down.” “Is your name Wi-Fi?
Because I’m feeling a serious connection here.” “Do you have a name or can I just call you mine?” “I must be snow because I’ve completely fallen for you.” “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?” “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.” “Got a pencil?
I’d love to rewrite your past and draft our future.” “If you were a triangle, you’d definitely be acute one.” “Can I get a picture with you? I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas.” “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te!” “Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re an absolute knockout.”
“Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.” “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?” “Can I follow you home? My parents always told me to chase my dreams.” “Do you mind if I walk you home? My phone just said we’re a match.” “Are you a bank loan? Because you’ve got my interest.”
“Can I take you out to dinner? Because you’ve been on my mind all day.” “Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.” “Can I sit next to you? I want to know what it feels like to be close to an angel.” “Got any raisins? No? How about a date?”
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What are Funny Things to Say on a First Date to Men?
“Did you just step out of a shower? Because you look fresh and clean!” “Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?” “Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.” “Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
“Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper.” “Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.” “Are you a magician? Whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.” “If you were a vegetable, you’d definitely be a cute-cumber.” “Got a Band-Aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.”
“Are you a time traveler? Because I can totally see you in my future.” “Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me!” “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te!” “Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!” “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?”
“Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.” “Can I follow you home? My parents always told me to follow my dreams.” “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.” “Got a pencil? I want to erase your past and write our future.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven.” “You must be a top test score, because I want to show you off to my mom.”
“Are you an alien? Because you’ve just abducted my heart.” “Are you a Wi-Fi signal? Because I’m feeling a strong connection!” “Do you like raisins? No? How about a date?” “Are you a snowstorm? Because you just made my heart race.” “If you were a burger, you’d definitely be a McGorgeous.”
“Is your name Chapstick? Because you’re da balm!” “Are you a banana? Because you’re quite a-peeling.” “Are we at the airport? Because my heart is taking off!”
First Date One-Liner Jokes
“Are you French? Because I’ve completely fallen for you.” “Do you have a map? I seem to keep losing my way in your eyes.” “Is your name Google? You’re everything I’ve been searching for.” “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a total cute-cumber.” “Is that a sparkle in your eyes, or are you just happy to see me?”
“Are you a magician? Because when you’re around, everything else just fades away.” “Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to return it.” “Do you have a Band-Aid? I think I hurt myself falling for you.” “Are you a time traveler? Because I can definitely see you in my future.” “If you were a fruit, you’d be one fine-apple!”
What are Funny Things that Not Say on a First Date?
When you’re on a first date, making a positive impression is key. While humor can ease the tension, certain jokes or comments are better left unsaid to avoid awkwardness.
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Here are a few things to steer clear of:
“I’m already planning our wedding!” – This can come across as too intense and might scare your date.
“Do you believe in aliens?” – It can lead to an awkward or offbeat conversation.
“I live with my parents, but it’s for their sake.” – This could seem a bit odd.
“I have a list of names for our future kids.” – Too forward and could make your date uncomfortable.
“My ex used to do that.” – Bringing up an ex is almost always a bad idea and can dampen the mood.
The best approach is to keep things light and engaging while avoiding overly personal or intense subjects.
