70+ Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can feel like walking through a minefield, where any step could set off a reaction.

However, humor—when used wisely—caThe funniest things to say to a narcissist can be playful and cheeky, but all in good fun. For instance, you might say, “I bet even your mirror gets tired of looking at you!” or “Is it exhausting being the center of the universe?”

Let’s get started!

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Table of Contents

50 Funny Things to Say a Narcissist

Here are 50 other witty comments to consider:

“Wow, did you teach Narcissus a few tricks?”
“Is there an ‘I’ in ‘team’? Because you sure found it!”
“Do you have a trophy for loving yourself this much?”
“Do mirrors pay you for the privilege of reflection?”
“Ever get jealous of how much time you spend with yourself?”
“Is your autobiography just a solo interview?”
“Who needs fans when you have that level of self-admiration?”
“Do you send yourself flowers on Valentine’s Day?”
“Is talking to me like charity work for you?”
“Guess what? The world called—it revolves around the sun, not you!”
“Do you charge yourself for meet-and-greets?”
“Are you your own best advice columnist?”
“Have you considered charging admission for your monologues?”
“Do selfies ask for your autograph?”
“Was Narcissus your understudy?”
“Is loving yourself a full-time job?”
“Do you ever get lost staring into your own eyes?”
“How’s life at the center of the universe?”
“Do you send thank-you cards to yourself?”
“Is your favorite teamwork exercise just a solo project?”
“Did you give yourself a medal for participation?”
“Ever worry about wearing out mirrors?”
“Is your favorite sound just an echo of your own voice?”
“Do you have a fan club or is it just a bunch of mirrors?”
“Are you the reason selfie sticks were invented?”
“Do you write love letters to yourself?”
“Is your life a quest for the Mirror of Erised?”
“Ever considered cloning? One of you clearly isn’t enough.”
“Is your motto ‘If you can’t love yourself, who can?’”
“Do you put your own photos in ‘World’s Most Beautiful’ lists?”
“Is every day a ‘you’ day?”
“‘Me, myself, and I’—your favorite love story?”
“Do you throw surprise parties for yourself?”
“Is your favorite drama called ‘The Chronicles of Me’?”
“How do you cope with sharing the spotlight with the moon at night?”
“Is your favorite debate topic ‘Why I’m always right’?”
“Do you have your own personal hall of mirrors?”
“Did you crown yourself king of self-love?”
“Ever get tired of winning your own approval?”
“Is your spirit animal a peacock?”
“I’d ask how you’re doing, but it looks like you’ve already covered that.”
“Is ‘How to be me’ your next book?”
“Do you have a map for when you get lost in your thoughts?”
“Is your favorite crowd just a room full of mirrors?”
“How’s the weather in your world?”
“Is your favorite game solitaire?”
“Ever throw a party and realize it’s just you and your reflection?”
“Do you practice autographs for when you meet yourself?”
“Is your diary just full of fan mail to yourself?”
“How many awards have you given yourself today?”n be an unexpected way to handle these situations.

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15 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist Parents

“Wow, did the mirror get enough of you today?”
“I’m guessing the ‘Best Parent of the Year’ award is already in the mail?”
“Oh look, it’s another all-about-you day. How unexpected!”
“You should teach classes on how to be the center of the universe.”
“Did you invent parenting? You act like you did.”
“Oops, I forgot the world revolves around you. My mistake!”
“Another day where you outshine yourself in self-admiration!”
“Are you entering a competition for ‘World’s Greatest Narcissist’?”
“You must have a Ph.D. in talking about yourself.”
“It’s amazing how you turn every conversation into your autobiography.”
“How do you always manage to be the hero in every story?”
“Your ability to focus on yourself should be in the Olympics.”
“Is there an off switch for your ego or is it always on?”
“You should teach a master class on self-absorption.”
“Do you ever get tired of the spotlight, or does it just keep you going?”

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15 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist Partner

“Oh, were you chatting with your reflection? I thought you’d made a new friend.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Wow, did the hall of mirrors call? They want their star back.”
“You’re great at giving compliments—especially to yourself!”
“Need a map to find someone else in the conversation, or are you good?”
“Is talking to me just a break between your monologues?”
“If self-obsession were an Olympic sport, you’d take home the gold.”
“I missed what you said after ‘I’m the best’—I zoned out around the hundredth time.”
“Is there an app to translate from Narcissist to English?”
“Do you put as much effort into listening as you do into talking about yourself?”
“Should I schedule conversations around your ‘Me Time’ calendar?”
“It’s adorable how you think the world revolves around you. Is it flat, too?”
“Did you hear that? It’s the sound of everyone else’s interest walking out.”
“Were you a mirror in your past life? You’re really into reflections.”
“If we got a dollar every time you brought yourself up, we’d be millionaires by now.”

15 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist Coworker

“Wow, did the office just get brighter, or is your self-admiration glowing again?”
“Is it exhausting carrying that enormous ego around all day?”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Careful not to trip on that pedestal you put yourself on.”
“You must’ve been born on a highway—most accidents happen there.”
“Oops, forgot to roll out the red carpet for you this morning.”
“Please, tell me more about yourself. I always yawn when I’m fascinated.”
“Do you need a license to drive everyone up the wall, or is it just a natural gift?”
“Was it hard to choose between being charming or modest today?”
“I’d ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.”
“You’re proof that even the gods have a sense of humor.”
“If you were any more self-involved, you’d be a knot.”
“You always bring me so much joy—when you leave the room.”
“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“Don’t worry, I’m fluent in ‘bragging disguised as humility’ thanks to you.”

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15 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist Friend

“Wow, did the museum call? They noticed their masterpiece is missing.”
“Do you get WiFi with all that self-absorption? Must be a strong signal.”
“Should I call you Google? You seem to have everything figured out.”
“If talking about yourself was a job, you’d be a billionaire.”
“You should donate your ego to science; it’s vast enough for exploration.”
“Is it exhausting being this remarkable, or does it just come naturally?”
“Do mirrors owe you royalties for all the time you spend looking at them?”
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be an ‘egotato,’ because it’s all about you.”
“Oops! Did I interrupt the 24/7 ‘All About You’ show?”
“You’re like a dictionary; you add new meaning to yourself every day.”
“Was mastering the art of self-admiration a full-time job?”
“Your autobiography must already be a best-seller in your head.”
“How’s the weather up there on that pedestal you put yourself on?”
“You must be tired from running through my mind, talking about yourself all day.”
“If self-love paid, you’d be the richest person on the planet.”